AVANT CAR GUARD Limited Edition Album Launch

The First rule of AVANT CAR GUARD is: you do not talk about AVANT CAR GUARD.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the good side, the dark side, and AVANT CAR GUARD.

AVANT CAR GUARD is Luke Skywalker's real father.

AVANT CAR GUARD eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

AVANT CAR GUARD sleeps with a pillow under their gun.

AVANT CAR GUARD has never blinked in their entire life. Never.

When AVANT CAR GUARD crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

AVANT CAR GUARD's tears cure cancer. Too bad they’ve never cried.

AVANT CAR GUARD drinks napalm to quell their heartburn.

If you want a list of AVANT CAR GUARD's enemies, just check the extinct species list.

There is no theory of evolution; just a list of creatures AVANT CAR GUARD allows to live.

The Bible was originally titled "AVANT CAR GUARD and Friends"

AVANT CAR GUARD can judge a book by its cover.

AVANT CAR GUARD doesn't read books. They stare them down until they get the information they want.

AVANT CAR GUARD doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

AVANT CAR GUARD does not use spell check. If they happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

AVANT CAR GUARD owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped them win the 1983 world series of poker despite them holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.

When AVANT CAR GUARD was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, they roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

AVANT CAR GUARD is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like AVANT CAR GUARD.

AVANT CAR GUARD uses ribbed condoms inside out, so they gets the pleasure.

AVANT CAR GUARD only masturbates to pictures of AVANT CAR GUARD.

AVANT CAR GUARD lost their virginity before their Dad did.

AVANT CAR GUARD doesn't say, "who's your daddy", because they knows the answer.

AVANT CAR GUARD can divide by zero.

On the 7th day, God rested.... and AVANT CAR GUARD took over.